Listen to the full episode here: In this episode, I share the terrifying experience of my family's home invasion by the cartel, what it taught me about myself, and meeting God in the present moment. I discuss:
• what it means to meet God in the present moment,
• what are some obstacles that prevent us from being present to God, and
• what we can do to better our relationship with God in the "here and now."
Here's the transcript:
Back in October 2010, my husband and I were living in a Mexican border town - we were there for 3 years. Our first born was only 3 months old when we were home invaded by the Cartel in our apartment. They home invaded every apartment in the building. We were held at gun-point by 3 armed men. Everything of value, which wasn't much at the time was stolen, but we are thankful none of us were physically hurt although the psychological trauma stayed with me for years.
I suffered from PTSD. I was angry…very angry at the perpetrators. I re-lived the moment every single day in my mind asking myself:
What should I have done differently?
Could Peter and I have avoided it?
I tried to live the best I could, why did this happen to me?
I was suspicious of everyone all the time. I was on-edge about the smallest things. My heart would race at every sound in the middle of the night. I lost my sense of safety within my own home. I had insomnia. I struggled to pray. I had a little baby and struggled to stay present for her. When I went into a trance-like state, deep in thought re-living the event, re-living the fear, everything and everyone else disappeared. I would lose awareness of my husband and baby and be trapped in a state of fear. I wanted to blame someone, anyone, but there was no one to blame. God simply allowed it.
For those fearful moments in time, Satan had won. He conquered my every thought and feeling. He conquered days, weeks, months, and years after the event itself.
What happened? One minute I was this faithful and prayerful human being and the next minute I’m a blubbering mess of doubt, fear, anger, and regret.
I thought I had lost it…but in reality, God was revealing to me how little my faith in God had really been – if it was even there at all. Chances are, my sense of security was 99% faith in myself, and only 1% faith in God. I realized my sense of control was a part of the fallacy I was secretly living with.
We prime ourselves for sin with our capacity to live outside the present moment and stay within the confines of our little minds. Listening to the little messages in our heads that the evil one plays over and over again is one of the subtle ways we move outside the present moment where God dwells.
What does it mean to meet God in the present moment?
In my story, it was clear I was not in the presence of God during fearful times. Sure, God was physically present since He is in all created things. Myself, being part of His creation should be always present to God but since we are created with intelligence, or mind, and a “will,” I have a choice. It was obvious I was not present to my family. Although they were physically present to me, I was not spiritually present to them. When my mind was consumed with fear, my family might as well not have been there at all.
As Father John Hardon, points out in many of his writings, being in the presence of God requires a relationship between ourselves and God. Having an “awareness” is simply not enough. If I take my daughters to the park and they go off to play, I can be aware they are physically there. But if I’m on my phone the entire time and fail to have a relationship exchange, such as play with them, talk with them, or show affection, I might as well not be there. I can argue that it counts to be there to make sure they don’t get hurt, to pick them up if they fall, but that’s not a relationship, that’s a one-way transaction. A stranger can pick up a child who’s fallen without having a relationship. But a stranger cannot exchange trust, love, respect, and deep abiding regard for the other without a relationship.
From my observations, to be in the presence of God means having the willingness to make a concerted effort to think of God in a loving way by lifting-up of the heart and mind to the one who is always gazing at us with Love. We must be involved in a three-fold manner – will, heart, and mind.
Do you remember the first time you fell in love? What was it like? Everyday, you wanted nothing more than to gaze into the eyes of your beloved. You listened to every word. You observed every gesture. You groveled with gratitude at every little gift you were given. At least until the honeymoon period wore off. Tough times came around, children came around, bills came around. Now all of sudden you were lucky if you didn’t have to repeat yourself 10 times to get things done around the house. You were lucky to get a please or tha
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